Neon Light Blues.

Blue 1: I was walking with her towards Lake Town crossing. I had known her for quite a long time. She seemed a bit too happy today. She normally is a very happy person. We were taking occasional gulps from the Smirn sprite cocktail as we passed by one light after the other. She kept smiling all the way. She looked beautiful. The neon washed road had not a living thing in sight. It seemed like a wilderness, a man made wilderness which was singing me the blues of the future to come. It felt good to be two wild animals in the wilderness. The void was overwhelming. I wanted to start a conversation. It would make me feel human. I do not know what prompted me to ask her about her father. I knew about most of her family but she had never told me about her father. (Damn! I should have understood long back but… darn). She didn’t answer. I asked her again. She looked at me tenderly and looked at the sky, possibly towards the neon we were passing. She asked me whether we could sit on the overbridge. It was around eleven thirty. I asked her if she would be late… she didn’t reply. We climbed onto the overbridge and sat there. She then told me that her father passed away on the same date when she was 10.
I have no words to express what I felt. It was a sickening feeling. Something in my heart pained but I showed no reaction whatsoever. I wanted to. I wanted to say something like “Oh lord I am so sorry I am so so so sorry dear…” But I just couldn’t. I just didn’t know what to say or do. I reached out for the Smirn and took a gulp. She said,” Take your shades off, I want to see your eyes.” I gasped. Why would she ask me to do this? I would have never done it but I took them off and looked at her. She looked even more beautiful. The silence of the breezy night echoed in resonance with that uncharted void, the void of words, expressions and that eternal ache, which was so smashingly confronting us. Yet, it seemed to lurk in the shadowy distance ahead as if it didn’t want to show itself.
I didn’t know what she was expecting in my eyes. Did she expect to feel affection? Did she want to see a tear drop? Dear…tears don’t come to me. I think its some kind of a disease but I cry within myself and if it’s of any importance at all, let me tell you; yes I was crying when you asked me to take my shades off. My heart ached, not because of the death but because I had hurt you. I wanted to say sorry but people can’t talk when they cry, can they? I just kept listening to her. How she regretted certain things. Things like her father had always wanted her to learn Hindustani classical music but that she had never complied and so many other little things that went like bullets into me. I had caused her to recollect something that was cancerous to her muse. I had caused her so much pain. Had I known… it pains me even more to think that with all my skills of observation and knowledge of behavioral science I had never understood…I had failed to fathom my dear friend’s depth of emotions. I should have understood a long time back. She was forever happy… or should I say running away from grief. She had a matured take to everything around her… or was she trying to rediscover herself? I don’t know or rather I want to forget what I know. I really like you. If you ever read my blog do know that I am sorry. I am so very sorry dear.
I wish to meet you before I leave. Give me a call.
Blue 2: It was the seventh of July. I was casually sauntering into “cha bra” (as KingD’s PJ had christened it) in Oxford with a friend of mine. As we went towards the end of the place we passed a group of friends, two guys and two girls and one of the girls gasped looking at me. I didn’t let her understand that I had noticed her reaction. She looked like an acquaintance of mine. We sat at one of the tables and she kept glancing at me and then left in a few minutes. There’s no particular reason behind my writing about this except for that moment at the store. I love the smell of books. It’s just so invigorating. The smell of books, her glances and the ice tea gave me a weird feeling. It seemed as if I had a glimpse of something and that time had stopped. A glimpse of what is too intangible to ascertain. Too many images flashed in my mind. It was like a breach in the fabric of time. In a matter of minutes it felt as if I was very familiar with the entire freeze or may be I would become familiar with it. Both the thoughts past and future seemed to intersect and occur simultaneously. It gave me a strange feeling.
Blue 3: I was walking down Park Street and I think I passed by Rudrani. I don’t know, it seemed like her. But she looked way too jazzy and..umm..nice I should say. She was a simple fun loving person when I knew her. Of course with the exception of the TTIS party where she went completely insane. (HEHEHE)
In any case if it was you then it was nice to run by an old friend.
Rajarshi says: We all have certain experiences that are different and the urbanscape just changes its magnitude. That‘s all I guess.